The Dugas Family Adoption

Hi Friends,

 

I know it's been a long time.....

 

Check out Chase at our local Mt. Bike Hot Spot!

 

 

Hugs,

 

Jen

Hi Friends,

 

Has anyone that reads this blog been to an ATTACH conference or ATN conference?  Are you going to the ATTACH conference in September in NC?  I am thinking of going.  Last year I went to the ATN conference in MS.  It was awesome.  I meet many wonderful families and professions, and learned A LOT.  ATN’s conference is in Boston at the end of this month.  I am not attending because I was not too keen on the workshop choices.  L  I was just looking at the ATTACH topics and wow they look like they really apply to our family needs.  So, if you are going to go, let me know…I would love to connect.

 

Freddie the Lizard:  The boys caught a lizard in our yard in April.  What a great lizard.  We learned all you need to know about how to care for one.  Did you know that they eat crickets?  Did you also know that you have to feed the crickets and give them special cricket Jell-O to keep them alive until good ol’ lizzy is ready to eat them?  Crickets can’t have regular water – they will drown.  Whodathunk?  I personally like the other lizard menu items… meal worms.  They go in the fridge – I know that’s kind of gross, but they are in a sealed container.  No fussin!  They can live in the container in the fridge for up to 30 days.  Works for me.  Anyway, we all loved Freddie.  Even me.  You could hold him.  He would crawl around on your shirt and stay there for a long time.  Ate his food like a good little lizzy…Well, he jumped off of Payton’s shirt yesterday and ran away.  L  Chase and Payton cried.  We talked a lot about Freddie’s desire to be free and roam the open space.  20 minutes later…another lizard was caught and smiles were back.  His name was Jim at first, but we all kept calling him Freddie.  Unanimous vote, we will call him Freddie too – a lot easier this way!

 

I had the stomach flu last week.  Now Payton has it.  It is moving very slowly around our house.  I can never decide if it is better for illness to sweep through the house or take it’s time hitting each one of us.   Plans get cancelled either way you look at it.  Hopefully Payton will be back on his feet soon. 

 

Well, that’s it for now.  We had three good days with Hailey – not in a row you sillies – that would mean a small miracle hit the Dugas home…Friday, Sunday, Tuesday…dry and doing what she needs to do…I won’t hold my breath, but it is PROGRESS!!!  I ask Jesus for tiny glimmers of progress every day.  I have faith that this child will be healed!!!  I have decided that I will not stop posting on this blog until she is healed.  How sad if I stopped and you never got to read about the miracle that Jesus did with his child Hailey!!   So, keep checking back time to time, even if I don’t post, so that you can read the END to this story…..with God’s grace, love, mercy, and power, there will be and end to this story!

 

See, I watched that video (plus prayed, prayed, prayed) and my funk is over!

 

Hugs,

 

Jen

Hi Friends,

 

I got many replies about my RAD blahs.  Thank you for the support!  I am posting a video that I always watch when I am feeling down and need to remember that Hailey's life here is better than anything she could have had in Ukraine.  Even though the work is hard, she has a much better life here.  Even though the work is hard, she has a family that wants the best for her.  The statistics of the Ukraine orphans that are not adopted are so sad!

 

 

This orphanage looks amazing by the way.  Hailey's was nothing like this.  The staff of this facility look like they are interested and trained in really helping the children.  It also looks like this orphanage receives a lot of support!

 

Jen

Hi Friends,

 

Well, I have not posted in a seriously long time.  I have had the RAD blah's.  That's not really a term.  I just made it up.  What does it mean?  It means that I am burnt out on raising a RAD child.  Unless you have a RAD child, do respite for one, hang out with one, are a grandparent to one, a sibling to one, you have no idea what I am talking about.  I wish that I could express it in a way that you would understand.  Forget about that, if I am going to get a wish...I wish that she would heal. 

 

I know that God has a plan for her, for us, for me, in all of this.   I feel it deep in my heart.  He is with me all day as I go through the difficulty of being a therapeutic parent to her.  The problem is I just don't feel like writing about it for all of you.  I am sure that there are people that read this blog that could use the support, guidance, advice, and therapeutic ideas.  But, right now, I just don't feel like it. 

 

I started this blog back in January of 2006....time sure flies.  I started the blog to share Hailey's journey with family, friends, and cyber friends.  Most importantly, I wanted to be able to record change and to leave a story for Hailey.  Although some of the things I have shared about her might not have been nice at times, her illness is not a secret - especially to her.  Hopefully, some day she can read this and see how far she has come.  Hopefully, she can say "wow, my heart was so broken and by the Grace of God, I am better!"

 

I will want to write again...maybe even tomorrow.  She is at a standstill in her therapy right now - hence the RAD blah's.  She is working on not wetting her pants any more.  If you have been following, you know she has done this since day one.  You would also know that wetting her pants is a deep, deep, emotional response.  I actually refer to it as an addiction.  She will not progress until she stops wetting her pants.  She has been working on this specific behavior since March.  I know that once she gets past this point, progress will come faster.  We all know that she can stop.   But, she is not ready to make that step.  I really, really, really hope that she takes that step in the next few weeks. 

 

You might be confused by what we are doing.  You might be thinking why not just let her wear a pull-up and not worry about it.  Well, it’s not the actual wetting that is the problem.  Whatever, I have dealt with it for 2 years.  But, she can not make emotional progress until she stops wetting her pants and exhibit her emotions by crying, yelling, screaming, or whatever else she needs to do release her feelings.  She uses wetting as an emotional release. 

 

Ok, I wrote more than I thought I would.  I must run.  I have so many pictures to post on another day.  We were in Hawaii for two weeks.  It was a dream.  I told the therapist while I was there…”Hawaii is the place to be when you are working through the difficulties of RAD!  No worries when you look at palm trees swaying in the warm ocean breeze!”  It was a gift from God for our family to sit poolside and beach side for 16 days!!! 

 

Hugs,

 

Jen

 

Please join me in praying for the Chapman family.  Steven and his family have been an inspiration to so many people, and especially the adoption community for years.

 

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hi Friends,

 

I added some new photos.  I only took a few pictures at Lake Tahoe.  I am so sad that I did not take pics the first day we skied.  There was just too much work going on to snap photos.  Thankfully I got a few shots with Andy in it. 

 

There are pictures of Hailey and her lost teeth.  She lost her two front teeth one week apart.  Check out how different her face looks.  Her facial features have changed quite a bit.

 

Right now the boys are outside riding their waves.  A wave is like a skateboard but it has only 2 wheels on the bottom.  Pics are coming.

 

Hugs,

 

Jen

HI Friends,

 

So, I am finally inspired to write.  When I wrote last, we were on our way to Lake Tahoe.  That was exactly a month ago.  Wow, time flies.  We had a wonderful time on our trip.  The weather was lovely.  God blessed us once again with an amazing week.  The sun was out every day.   We skied a total of 5 days.  The participants varied on each day.  We all skied on Monday and Tuesday.  Andy went home early Wednesday morning and then later that day, Payton broke his collar bone while we were sledding.

 

Yes, it was a sad day.  We went to our favorite sledding spot.   The kids got all their gear on.  Meanwhile Nana and I were really worried about the conditions.  It was very icy that day because it was really warm the day before.  Our favorite spot was basically a frozen hill.  I was really makin’ a fuss about the kids sledding.  But, because we were on our once a year vacation, I caved.  I did have them put their helmets on though.  Everyone went down the hill once.  There was screaming and giggling due to the speed in which they flew down the hill.  Payton went for his second run, as Nana was saying it was too icy.   Payton went flying down the hill, hit a bump, went flying in the air, and slammed his body down on his left shoulder.  He made a cry that I have not yet heard from any of my 4 children.  I immediately knew by his cry that something was broken.  I took him right to the hospital as Nana and the others went searching for bears.  Payton was given an immobilizer to wear, and sent home to rest. 

 

The first two weeks of his recovery and healing were the hardest.  Payton is an outside, rough and tumble, bike riding, horse riding, wave riding, jump roping, run around kind of kid.  To lay low for a day, let alone weeks at a time is terribly heard for him.  But, right now as I type this, even though he has two more weeks to a totally healed collar bone, he is riding his bike over jumps.  Go figure!  The orthopedist that we saw actually said to Payton “you can ride your bike and play…just don’t fall.”  Thanks Doc!!

 

The rest of the trip was hard for Payton.  But, we did not want to drive home – 9 hours with a newly broken collar bone, not a good plan.  Payton hung out in the condo with Nana two days and with me one day.  We took the other kiddo’s skiing while Payton rested.  Since Andy left, it was a little tough to orchestrate the day.   Chase is the best skier of the bunch.  But, Tanner picked up a lot of skills this trip.  So, he and Chase could ski together.  Hailey was another story.  She was doing ok with her skiing, but was struggling with progressing.  RAD kids like to do it their way.  So, I put her in ski school.  I was terrified to leave her with people I did not know.  Did not know how she would behave.  But, let me tell you…it was the best $90 I have spent in a long time.  We were at a small mountain, so we were able to see her skiing with her instructor the entire day.  She started at 9:30 am.  We picked her up for lunch at 12:30pm, dropped her back off at 1:30pm and did not pick her up again until 4:30pm.  Guess what the teacher said??  “Hailey was the best behaved child in the group and had a determination like no other child she has worked with.”  She had a blast.  I got a break and had a blast.  Of course she asked her instructor as we were saying our thank you’s and leaving “where’s your car?”  When the instructor (cute, young gal from Argentina) said “WHY?”  Hailey said “well, how am I going to get to your house?”  The gal looked at me and I just smiled as I whisked Hailey away.  Hailey cried for about ½ hour saying “I really liked her and want to go to her house.”   Can you say RAD?  I would still do it again. 

 

Our therapy is going well.  We have good days and bad days.  But overall, she is slowly changing.  Today, I was able to sit and do flash cards with her for an hour.  That was the first time ever that I could do that.  She has been working on www.starfall.com and watching Leap Frog Letter Factory to learn her letters.  I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to say that she is this close to learning how to read.  She has 23 of her 26 letters and sounds.  When she has them all down cold, we will start stringing them together.  She was very proud of herself today.  I was too, but I have to be very careful showing it.  I can say things like “you knew that letter”, “that’s a hard one”, “you remembered it”.  If I give her too much praise and make a big deal, she can’t handle it.  She will immediately try to get herself in trouble to sabotage the good that she did.  I have to use a very monotone voice and not get excited.  I did a good job today, but sometimes I am very bad at this.  I naturally am a cheerleader.  I love celebrating accomplishments with my kids.  I want them to know that we are proud of their hard work.  It has taken me about 16 months to get to a point where I don’t jump for joy for her.  I know this sounds so sad.  But, what is sad when she does something really bad after a great accomplishment to negate the good she has done.  That’s what the skiing thing was about.  She had to negate her wonderful performance, which the teacher gushed about by asking to go home with her.  She knew that was not going to happen.  Whether she wanted to go or not was not the point.  She knew her statement would make me disappointed.  Well guess what missy….I am learning to not fall prey to such antics.  I said not a word!

 

I am so excited to share with you all about the letters though.  I honestly have felt that she would never learn how to read.  I bet she will be reading in 3-6 months time, if I can continue being bland, monotone and non-responsive when working with her.  Praise God that he is teaching me how to work with her.  Praise God that he is slowly healing her wounded heart, mind, and soul.  Praise God for a great resources that have helped her get this far.  Praise God, Praise God!!!

 

Hugs,

 

Jen.