The Dugas Family Adoption

Check out Chase

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 22:12:24 GMT

Hi Friends,

I know it's been a long time.....

Check out Chase at our local Mt. Bike Hot Spot!

http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/media?id=6261409

Hugs,

Jen

Lizards, flu and attach conference...

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:12:19 GMT

Hi Friends,

Has anyone that reads this blog been to an ATTACH conference or ATN conference? Are you going to the ATTACH conference in September in NC? I am thinking of going. Last year I went to the ATN conference in MS. It was awesome. I meet many wonderful families and professions, and learned A LOT. ATN’s conference is in Boston at the end of this month. I am not attending because I was not too keen on the workshop choices. L I was just looking at the ATTACH topics and wow they look like they really apply to our family needs. So, if you are going to go, let me know…I would love to connect.

Freddie the Lizard: The boys caught a lizard in our yard in April. What a great lizard. We learned all you need to know about how to care for one. Did you know that they eat crickets? Did you also know that you have to feed the crickets and give them special cricket Jell-O to keep them alive until good ol’ lizzy is ready to eat them? Crickets can’t have regular water – they will drown. Whodathunk? I personally like the other lizard menu items… meal worms. They go in the fridge – I know that’s kind of gross, but they are in a sealed container. No fussin! They can live in the container in the fridge for up to 30 days. Works for me. Anyway, we all loved Freddie. Even me. You could hold him. He would crawl around on your shirt and stay there for a long time. Ate his food like a good little lizzy…Well, he jumped off of Payton’s shirt yesterday and ran away. L Chase and Payton cried. We talked a lot about Freddie’s desire to be free and roam the open space. 20 minutes later…another lizard was caught and smiles were back. His name was Jim at first, but we all kept calling him Freddie. Unanimous vote, we will call him Freddie too – a lot easier this way!

I had the stomach flu last week. Now Payton has it. It is moving very slowly around our house. I can never decide if it is better for illness to sweep through the house or take it’s time hitting each one of us. Plans get cancelled either way you look at it. Hopefully Payton will be back on his feet soon.

Well, that’s it for now. We had three good days with Hailey – not in a row you sillies – that would mean a small miracle hit the Dugas home…Friday, Sunday, Tuesday…dry and doing what she needs to do…I won’t hold my breath, but it is PROGRESS!!! I ask Jesus for tiny glimmers of progress every day. I have faith that this child will be healed!!! I have decided that I will not stop posting on this blog until she is healed. How sad if I stopped and you never got to read about the miracle that Jesus did with his child Hailey!! So, keep checking back time to time, even if I don’t post, so that you can read the END to this story…..with God’s grace, love, mercy, and power, there will be and end to this story!

See, I watched that video (plus prayed, prayed, prayed) and my funk is over!

Hugs,

Jen

A Video to Watch

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:09:07 GMT

Hi Friends,

I got many replies about my RAD blahs. Thank you for the support! I am posting a video that I always watch when I am feeling down and need to remember that Hailey's life here is better than anything she could have had in Ukraine. Even though the work is hard, she has a much better life here. Even though the work is hard, she has a family that wants the best for her. The statistics of the Ukraine orphans that are not adopted are so sad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFF_IJvmYvk

This orphanage looks amazing by the way. Hailey's was nothing like this. The staff of this facility look like they are interested and trained in really helping the children. It also looks like this orphanage receives a lot of support!

Jen

RAD blahs

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:32:33 GMT

Hi Friends,

Well, I have not posted in a seriously long time. I have had the RAD blah's. That's not really a term. I just made it up. What does it mean? It means that I am burnt out on raising a RAD child. Unless you have a RAD child, do respite for one, hang out with one, are a grandparent to one, a sibling to one, you have no idea what I am talking about. I wish that I could express it in a way that you would understand. Forget about that, if I am going to get a wish...I wish that she would heal.

I know that God has a plan for her, for us, for me, in all of this. I feel it deep in my heart. He is with me all day as I go through the difficulty of being a therapeutic parent to her. The problem is I just don't feel like writing about it for all of you. I am sure that there are people that read this blog that could use the support, guidance, advice, and therapeutic ideas. But, right now, I just don't feel like it.

I started this blog back in January of 2006....time sure flies. I started the blog to share Hailey's journey with family, friends, and cyber friends. Most importantly, I wanted to be able to record change and to leave a story for Hailey. Although some of the things I have shared about her might not have been nice at times, her illness is not a secret - especially to her. Hopefully, some day she can read this and see how far she has come. Hopefully, she can say "wow, my heart was so broken and by the Grace of God, I am better!"

I will want to write again...maybe even tomorrow. She is at a standstill in her therapy right now - hence the RAD blah's. She is working on not wetting her pants any more. If you have been following, you know she has done this since day one. You would also know that wetting her pants is a deep, deep, emotional response. I actually refer to it as an addiction. She will not progress until she stops wetting her pants. She has been working on this specific behavior since March. I know that once she gets past this point, progress will come faster. We all know that she can stop. But, she is not ready to make that step. I really, really, really hope that she takes that step in the next few weeks.

You might be confused by what we are doing. You might be thinking why not just let her wear a pull-up and not worry about it. Well, it’s not the actual wetting that is the problem. Whatever, I have dealt with it for 2 years. But, she can not make emotional progress until she stops wetting her pants and exhibit her emotions by crying, yelling, screaming, or whatever else she needs to do release her feelings. She uses wetting as an emotional release.

Ok, I wrote more than I thought I would. I must run. I have so many pictures to post on another day. We were in Hawaii for two weeks. It was a dream. I told the therapist while I was there…”Hawaii is the place to be when you are working through the difficulties of RAD! No worries when you look at palm trees swaying in the warm ocean breeze!” It was a gift from God for our family to sit poolside and beach side for 16 days!!!

Hugs,

Jen

Pray for the Chapman family!

Thu, 22 May 2008 15:56:57 GMT

Please join me in praying for the Chapman family. Steven and his family have been an inspiration to so many people, and especially the adoption community for years.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Stephen Curtis Chapman's 5 yr old daughter died today.

One of contemporary Christian music star Steven Curtis Chapman’s six children was killed this afternoon when she was struck by a car said to be driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

The child, Maria, age 5, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

She was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.

The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see the 5-year-old in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.

Some new photos

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:22:54 GMT

Hi Friends,

I added some new photos. I only took a few pictures at Lake Tahoe. I am so sad that I did not take pics the first day we skied. There was just too much work going on to snap photos. Thankfully I got a few shots with Andy in it.

There are pictures of Hailey and her lost teeth. She lost her two front teeth one week apart. Check out how different her face looks. Her facial features have changed quite a bit.

Right now the boys are outside riding their waves. A wave is like a skateboard but it has only 2 wheels on the bottom. Pics are coming.

Hugs,

Jen

Finally a post!!

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:35:17 GMT

HI Friends,

So, I am finally inspired to write. When I wrote last, we were on our way to Lake Tahoe. That was exactly a month ago. Wow, time flies. We had a wonderful time on our trip. The weather was lovely. God blessed us once again with an amazing week. The sun was out every day. We skied a total of 5 days. The participants varied on each day. We all skied on Monday and Tuesday. Andy went home early Wednesday morning and then later that day, Payton broke his collar bone while we were sledding.

Yes, it was a sad day. We went to our favorite sledding spot. The kids got all their gear on. Meanwhile Nana and I were really worried about the conditions. It was very icy that day because it was really warm the day before. Our favorite spot was basically a frozen hill. I was really makin’ a fuss about the kids sledding. But, because we were on our once a year vacation, I caved. I did have them put their helmets on though. Everyone went down the hill once. There was screaming and giggling due to the speed in which they flew down the hill. Payton went for his second run, as Nana was saying it was too icy. Payton went flying down the hill, hit a bump, went flying in the air, and slammed his body down on his left shoulder. He made a cry that I have not yet heard from any of my 4 children. I immediately knew by his cry that something was broken. I took him right to the hospital as Nana and the others went searching for bears. Payton was given an immobilizer to wear, and sent home to rest.

The first two weeks of his recovery and healing were the hardest. Payton is an outside, rough and tumble, bike riding, horse riding, wave riding, jump roping, run around kind of kid. To lay low for a day, let alone weeks at a time is terribly heard for him. But, right now as I type this, even though he has two more weeks to a totally healed collar bone, he is riding his bike over jumps. Go figure! The orthopedist that we saw actually said to Payton “you can ride your bike and play…just don’t fall.” Thanks Doc!!

The rest of the trip was hard for Payton. But, we did not want to drive home – 9 hours with a newly broken collar bone, not a good plan. Payton hung out in the condo with Nana two days and with me one day. We took the other kiddo’s skiing while Payton rested. Since Andy left, it was a little tough to orchestrate the day. Chase is the best skier of the bunch. But, Tanner picked up a lot of skills this trip. So, he and Chase could ski together. Hailey was another story. She was doing ok with her skiing, but was struggling with progressing. RAD kids like to do it their way. So, I put her in ski school. I was terrified to leave her with people I did not know. Did not know how she would behave. But, let me tell you…it was the best $90 I have spent in a long time. We were at a small mountain, so we were able to see her skiing with her instructor the entire day. She started at 9:30 am. We picked her up for lunch at 12:30pm, dropped her back off at 1:30pm and did not pick her up again until 4:30pm. Guess what the teacher said?? “Hailey was the best behaved child in the group and had a determination like no other child she has worked with.” She had a blast. I got a break and had a blast. Of course she asked her instructor as we were saying our thank you’s and leaving “where’s your car?” When the instructor (cute, young gal from Argentina) said “WHY?” Hailey said “well, how am I going to get to your house?” The gal looked at me and I just smiled as I whisked Hailey away. Hailey cried for about ½ hour saying “I really liked her and want to go to her house.” Can you say RAD? I would still do it again.

Our therapy is going well. We have good days and bad days. But overall, she is slowly changing. Today, I was able to sit and do flash cards with her for an hour. That was the first time ever that I could do that. She has been working on www.starfall.com and watching Leap Frog Letter Factory to learn her letters. I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to say that she is this close to learning how to read. She has 23 of her 26 letters and sounds. When she has them all down cold, we will start stringing them together. She was very proud of herself today. I was too, but I have to be very careful showing it. I can say things like “you knew that letter”, “that’s a hard one”, “you remembered it”. If I give her too much praise and make a big deal, she can’t handle it. She will immediately try to get herself in trouble to sabotage the good that she did. I have to use a very monotone voice and not get excited. I did a good job today, but sometimes I am very bad at this. I naturally am a cheerleader. I love celebrating accomplishments with my kids. I want them to know that we are proud of their hard work. It has taken me about 16 months to get to a point where I don’t jump for joy for her. I know this sounds so sad. But, what is sad when she does something really bad after a great accomplishment to negate the good she has done. That’s what the skiing thing was about. She had to negate her wonderful performance, which the teacher gushed about by asking to go home with her. She knew that was not going to happen. Whether she wanted to go or not was not the point. She knew her statement would make me disappointed. Well guess what missy….I am learning to not fall prey to such antics. I said not a word!

I am so excited to share with you all about the letters though. I honestly have felt that she would never learn how to read. I bet she will be reading in 3-6 months time, if I can continue being bland, monotone and non-responsive when working with her. Praise God that he is teaching me how to work with her. Praise God that he is slowly healing her wounded heart, mind, and soul. Praise God for a great resources that have helped her get this far. Praise God, Praise God!!!

Hugs,

Jen.

Off to Lake Tahoe

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:30:29 GMT

Hi Friends,

We are packed and ready to take off for our annual Lake Tahoe ski adventure. The kids are snug in their beds sleeping with their clothes on, ready to get up at 5am. To sleep in their clothes was Payton's idea. "That way we don't have to get dressed in the car or in the Starbucks bathroom mom!" Great idea Payton. Plus, sleeping in your clothes makes it an even more exciting adventure. We have the car piled with skis, food, clothes, and anything else we could think of. The kids have their books on tape - Story of the World - Middle Ages, The Magic Treehouse Series, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, and The Black Stallion. We are all very excited for our trip.

We drive up tomorrow and hit the slopes on Monday. We know that Tahoe has tuns of snow. We are just praying that the weather is nice for us. The last 4 years we have had sun all week. We hope that God blesses us with similar weather this year.

I will take lots of pictures and post them when we get home. I am sure that I will have fun stories to tell as well.

Hugs to all! Back soon

Jen

Hailey update

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:23:21 GMT

Hi Friends,

People have been asking for an update on Hailey. Well, I do think the therapy we are doing is working. But, it is a very slow and long process. Her progress is still very much a roller coaster ride. Two steps forward, one step back. One step forward, two steps back. I think that is the most frustrating part, especially for the boys. They see her progress, play with her and connect with her and then she goes backwards. I see their faces fall in frustration when she goes backward.

Hailey is definitely more emotional. Not that her emotions are always appropriate. Usually she uses her emotions to manipulate. But, at least she is showing emotions. If you recall, her first year here she was always happy. I know that sounds great, but it is not normal. Not a tear, not a tantrum, not a pout, no anger, no sadness, nothing! Now she pouts, stomps her foot, cries, and does kind of a harrumph type thing. When she is allowed she still loves to boss people around. We have found that bossing people around is probably the most detrimental to her. After being allowed to boss someone around, Hailey’s behavior is different. Her attitude is different. She acts empowered, but in a negative way. Our family and friends are getting to understand that they can’t allow Hailey to boss them around. But, it’s hard because she is very good at it. If you are not 100% on your toes, the bossing will kind of sneak up on you. She finds a window of opportunity, takes it and won’t stop. The next thing you know, she’s bossing you around and you can’t figure out how you got there. Our household is too wise for this behavior. But, we are around her all day long. The bummer is, if she succeeds at bossing someone around, we receive the payback. I know this is so confusing. But, here’s the deal. She can not handle being the boss. But, when she is nervous, she wants to take control. In the moment of being the boss, she feels in control and empowered, but ultimately having the control makes her more nervous because she really can’t handle having it. Imagine a child learning how to ride their bike for the first time. They need to be helped. If the child bosses around the helper, tells them what to do, and takes control, the child can’t learn how to ride. So now, the child is afraid because he really does not know what to do.

Hailey learning to ride a bike was such a HUGE deal for this exact reason. She usually does not allow us to help her or teach her. She likes to make up the rules. Because she wanted to learn so badly, she allowed us to help her and teach her. Playing a game with her is quite difficult. She loves to make up the rules, cheat, pout and boss people around. In the end, it is so frustrating to play. But, she is making progress. Riding the bike is such a clear example of that.

The incessant chatter is slowing down. We are so thankful for that. Hailey would chatter non-stop all the time. Now when the chatter appears it is for a specific reason. We can usually change the environment to help her slow the chatter down.

That’s it for now, I gotta run. Hugs to all!

Choosing Joy!

Jen

The Shirt Cannery

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:17:35 GMT

HI Friends,

Last night I needed to order 50 shirts for a musical that Chase's choir will present at Easter time. I have been to The Shirt Cannery in Mission Viejo before. However,

I have never been a soccer team or baseball team mom. So, I don’t have experience at ordering shirts. I went in the store two weeks ago and picked out the different sizes to have the kids try on. Last night I actually placed the order for the 50 shirts. When I walked in the door, the place was packed. Wall to wall with baseball team moms and coaches ordering shirts. I had time…. no problem. The owner of the shop Julie was so kind and friendly. She continually apologized for the wait and kept plugging along. During the 20 minutes I was there I saw Julie extend grace and love to the people around her.

On of her college age employees needed to leave for class. The place was swamped. Julie did not care. “Go on honey, don’t be late”

As the girl was leaving Julie says “Do you need to take a break tomorrow and do homework, or rest? Take all the time you need honey.” The student says “No, I can come in.” Julie says “Well, come in when ever you are done with your school work.” WHAT A BOSS!

When I place my order for my shirts, Julie took back the 4 shirts that I purchased for sizing and gave me my money back. They were the wrong size and we couldn’t really use them. But, that’s my problem right? Not in her world. WHAT A KIND HEART!

As I was leaving, I met a massage therapist that was walking in the door. Julie the owner pays for her staff to have massages once a week because of all their hard work. ARE YOU KIDDING ME FOLKS??

This is grace, love and mercy. This is how people should act in our world. I was shocked at her behavior…isn’t that sad? Praise God for Julie. Praise God for her heart!

So, if you are ever in Mission Viejo and need a shirt, or team shirts, stop in and talk to Julie at The Shirt Cannery. You will get the best service and walk out the door with a smile on your face!!! Most importantly, you will experience what the world should be like!

Choosing Joy!

Jen

Sand Dunes

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:17:23 GMT

Hi Friends,

We had a relaxing weekend in the sand dunes to celebrate my birthday. I can't believe that I am 41 years old. Oy Vey!!! We left Hailey in respite care. That means she was with people that are trained to take care of RAD kids. Our family needed a break from all the hard work. She is healing very slowly. She actually did well while we were gone. She asked a lot to go home. That shows healing.

Our therapist gave us 4 specific things we should do to help Hailey while we were gone. 1) Give her a photo of our family to look at. 2) Give her an item that belongs to me for her to take care of. The reason for this was that Hailey might not believe that I will come back for her, but she knows that I will come back for the item. I know this sounds terribly sad, but it’s the truth. I gave her a pair of gloves that I wear all the time. 3) Write out cards that “showed up” in the mailbox daily. Cards that said we loved her, missed her, and would be back soon. 4) Call every day to let her know we were coming home in x amount of days.

I am so surprised to say that there was no payback for our absence. This shows tremendous growth and healing. Normally, I would have been punished for 3 or 4 days following my absence. She usually punishes me when I go to bible study for 3 hours. This is a big praise. I did not want to post yesterday, in fear that her punishment would be delayed for today. But, I am excited to say there was no punishment! Wow!

We have determined that Hailey can have dairy. We only need to keep gluten out of her diet. That is another praise. She loves dairy and the calcium is good for her. Makes my life easier too.

The boys were quad riding crazy boys at the dunes. Payton learned how to ride my quad and Andy’s. No small feat. My bike is 23 years old. Still runs like a champ (quiet Kimberly) but is very finicky. Andy got a little ahead of himself and tried to have Payton ride his three-wheeler in the dunes. With gentle reminders (thanks Jeffery) Andy realized that this might have been the wrong choice. The figure eight track at our camp was used all day and into the night. Andy brought new lighting to hook up to the generator so the kids could ride in the dark. Who could complain?…food, treats, and riding in the dark with special lights!

Gotta Run, sorry for the typos but I have no time to check for mistakes!

Jen

Choosing joy!

LOOK...LOOK...LOOK WHO LEARNED TO RIDE A BIKE!!!!

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:53:34 GMT

Hi Friends,

Look who learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. HAILEY!!!! We are so excited for her. Some of you do not know that her elbows are fused. Her radius and ulna, bones that go from elbow to wrist, are fused at the elbow. These bones usually just touch so that we can have rotation at the wrist. This rotation allow our palms to face up and down. Hailey can not rotate her wrists because of the alcohol exposure when she was in the womb. The doctor that diagnosed Hailey with mild FAS told me that while in the womb, the alcohol exposure causes the babies to sleep and not be active. As they grow, the movement works with their development. No movement means fused bones. But Hailey is a fighter. She will overcome all! The doctors wanted to do surgery and release the bones. The work would have been done on both arms at the same time. She would have had casts on both arms for 8 to 12 weeks. Uh...I don't think so. The poor child has had enough trauma for a lifetime. We prayed about it and decided a while ago that we will allow Hailey that decision if she ever gets to that point. We think that she is fine without the surgery. She compensates very well. She does gymnastics and swings on the bars, rides horses, skiis, runs around - and now RIDES A BIKE!

Honestly, we thought she would not be able to ride the bike becuase of her wrists. Paise God!!

Check out the pics!

Choosing Joy!

Jen

New Pictures

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:27:13 GMT

Check out the new pictures:

Getting riding helmets for Christmas

Horses (I know, how many can I take?)

Science Fair

A Question about the Science Fair

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:50:39 GMT

I had a question about our science fair projects. "How did we come up with the ideas?" The theme of the Fair was The Middle Ages. This helped the boys come up with their ideas. They love getting books from the library about knights, castles, and seige weapons. They chose the subjects themselves. Tanner loves anything related to castles. So, he researched why and how they were made. Payton is a little scientist. I really don't know how he came up with centrifugal force - we had been learning about gravity but really had not talked about CF. He was playing with his marble track, designing and said "look at this! This is centrifugal force!" He has a mind like his Dad's! Chase love the weapons! He got several books at the library and then we looked for design ideas online. I don't remember the site, but google trebuchet and play around. Plans were not 1/3 scale. Chase started out 1/2 scale but realized it was too big. 1/3 scale was better. He worked on the math to figure it out. If you can't find anything, let me know, you can have our plans.

Good Luck!

Jen

Science Fair

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 15:41:16 GMT

Hi Friends,

I know it has been a long time since I last posted. Here are some updates.

Hailey turned 6 on Jan. 4th. Wow! I can't believe she is 6. Tanner can't beleive it either. From Jan. to April, Hailey and Tanner are the same age. He does not like that one bit. She loves it! She tells everyone that she is big like Tanner - so cute. He goes around saying he is 6 3/4, not 6 like Hailey. Hailey celebrated with her friend Kenna. I took them out to lunch, to have their nails done and out for ice cream. The day went pretty well. Both girls had a great time. The plan was to have a sleep over at Nana's and go riding but we had rain.

Chase turned 10 (two whole hands) on Jan. 27. He had a party at Nana's two weeks prior. He brought 4 friends to Nana's house for a sleep over. On Friday night, the kids ate spaghetti, watched a movie and made s'mores outside. On Saturday morning, Chase taught them how to feed and water the horses and scoop poop. Chase was so excited to share our weekly adventure with his friends. We rode for 2 1/2 hours on Saturday and the boys had a blast. Chase is now a real cowboy. For his birthday he got a saddle, chaps, and a western belt. He has worn the belt every day since. On his actual birthday he had plans to sleep over at Uncle Adam and Aunt Millie's. He was supposed to go to work with my brother to experience a day in the life. Adam is a police man and a lifeguard in So. Cal. He has a really awesome job and gets to do really cool stuff - like riding in a rescue boat. Plans had to be changed due to bad weather and Chase being sick. Many tears were shed over those plans being cancelled. But, lucky for Chase, we made new plans for 2 weeks from now. Yipee!

This past Saturday was the annual science fair at our school. We are a homeschool family. But we work with a school that does classes, events like the science fair, field trips, and most importantly keeps our school records. Andy gave a gravity presentation during the first part of the event. He worked for 3 months on his presentation. Let me tell you people, I should get a job and he should school the kids!! He did such a fantastic job. It was amazing. He introduced himself as Professor Dropsalot! It was so funny. He dropped things on the floor the entire time he was speaking. In the end of the presentation he dropped egges, watermelon, balls, tomatoes and all kinds of wacky stuff from an eight foot ladder. The kids had a blast, and all the parents begged him to teach Jr. High science. :)

Chase's project was a Trebuchet (4th Century weapon). He designed and built it mostly by himself. Daddy helped with the tools. He designed his board and prepared his speech. He was the only one in his age group 4-6th grade that did not read from notes when presenting. He earned 1st place in the 4th grade category. He did an excellent job and was so proud of himself. I was with P, T and H and did not get to hear Chase's presentation. Andy said that Chase was a natural up there and did and excellent job. Our school is very involved in Speech and Debate, so maybe Chase will be too?

Payton's project was centrifugal force. He designed his project all by himself. A marble on a mable track. He designed his board and answered questions. The K-3rd group could present or answer questions. He did an excellent job. He was so excited that he made a project and participated. He was not sure in the beginning if he could stand up there and answer questions. We were all so proud!

Tanner's project was a Castle. He designed a castle on paper that he would like to build and then made it out of cardboard. He painted the castle and designed his board too. He did such a fantastic job. He also answered question that the judges asked. He was so cute up there discussing the castle and how the knights protected the lords. He was very happy and proud that he participated.

Hailey did not have a project but was able to attend Daddy's lecture. She did a very good job on a day where she was not the center of attention. She was proud of her brothers.

The therapy is what it is. It is a very slow process. I pray for patience and strength daily. I do see that Hailey is doing better with the boys. They desire to help her and play with her a little more. I am sticking to what I am supposed to do, which is very hard but will help Hailey get better. I can see on a daily basis how Hailey's wheels are turning about what we are doing. It is very hard for her to change and trust us. But, I know it can happen. We just have to be patient. "IT IS ALL TEMPORARY!"

We met a family the other day that has a daughter diagnosed RAD. She is 14 years old and was adopted at age 10 months. I do know some families that I communicate with online that have RAD children. But, this was the first time I got to meet someone in person. The mom and I agreed that we would pray for eachother and support eachother. The hardest part about RAD is that many of the behaviors are exhibited at home behind closed doors. When these kids are out in public they seem pretty normal. They might seem a little immature or delayed, but for the most part, like Hailey - sweet, kind, friendly, outgoing, and polite. The hardest part is that people think I am crazy because they don't see the "bad or strange" behavior. Well, guess what, when I met this family the other day, what do you think my first thought was. I actually thought in my head "What a lovely girl. What nice manners. It can't be that bad." I am so thankful that I did not say that out loud, I would have lost my new friend. But, I actually thought that. It was so surreal. That is what people think when they meet me and Hailey. Interesting!!

Gotta run! Choosing Joy!

Jen

Happy New Year

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 19:27:22 GMT

HI Friends,

Happy New year to all of my friends, family and blogger friends that still read this blog. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.

We have been a little busy. Because of all the work being done with Hailey and therapy, we chose two things that we would do this Christmas season. Usually, we attend many parties, sponsor 1 or 2 families, do Operation Christmas Child, bake cookies and all kinds of other fun stuff. We love Christmas and all the fun activities that the holidays bring.

In December we had our 5^th annual Christmas Dinner with my bible study group. One of the gals in the group and I love to have parties. So, we decided that Christmas time was the perfect time to celebrate with a big party. We do a sit down dinner for about 30. We always enjoy being with friends, laughing, celebrating and enjoying good food! We do a white elephant gift exchange every year that brings us to tears from all the laughter. We have some really funny people in the group that come up with some silly ideas. They plan these funny gifts all year long. We had a great night!

All four kids participated in our Christmas musical at church. We practiced in the month of November and December. Chase, Payton and Tanner had speaking parts. Everyone did an excellent job. Hailey was so excited to be part of the performance. Last year she had her surgery and could not participate. She learned every word of every song. Little Town of Bethlehem has some complicated lyrics. She learned them all and sang them proudly. What a gift from God to see her perform in the musical and do a wonderful job. The boys did beautifully too. But, with all the behavior issues with Hailey, it was a blessing to see her on stage.

We spent Christmas day at my mom’s relaxing with family and eating too much. Now we are at Nana’s again celebrating New Years Day. We arrived yesterday morning with the plan to raise a new horse enclosure. We need to separate the horses a little more. Fatty Magee, who has lost a little weight and might have to lose his title, is a hay hog. Two of the horses have trouble keeping weight on because of him. We have kept them separated but this new enclosure will make it easier. Well, on broken water pipe and many trips to Home Depot, I think it is almost done. As soon as the enclosure is finished, we will do a New Years Day ride...standing tradition!

Tomorrow, January 2^nd., the day daddy goes back to work, is always a hard day. We get so used to having him around. Doing fun family things, or just hanging around together is what we love. Now we go back to reality!

A quick update on Hailey: we are seeing tiny glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel. The work is so very hard, but we can see her slowly changing. I have to be very careful to stay on a day to day basis. Otherwise, I start thinking ahead and then get slammed with a bad day. It is what it is, and I am thankful for the tiny progress. I am thankful for every tiny little bit of change. My mantra from the therapist "THIS IS ALL TEMPORARY!!!" I do believe her. I see God working throughout the entire healing process and thank him for that daily.

I gotta run, the dirt crew is calling for lunch. I wish you all many blessings and joy in 2008!

Jen

Pig Latin?

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:54:15 GMT

HI Friends,

Did any of you speak in funny languages when you were a kid? Pig Latin, Double Dutch (Not from Holland), double z (watch Zoom?), double b? I talked in all of these funny and fun languages when I was a kid. I believe only my cousin Rachel and my friend Kimberly would be ones that I shared this with. KB do you know what I am talking about? Well, I have taught them all to the kids. Just for fun, just to be silly. Of course they had no problem learning them. So now, we talk in one of the 4 throughout the day. The kids love to use the talk in the grocery store, at the park and other public places. They think it is so fun that people probably don't know what we are talking about.

Dizzo yizzo knizzo whyzzut Izzi izzam tyzzalkizzing izzibyzzout?

On the therapy front... The suppliments are working. I have been using them every other day to just to check. And I am excited to say they are working. We are in phase 2 of therapy. We get to work on one intervention at a time. I will let you know more but we just started, so I will get back to you.

Choosing Joy!

Jen

Trunk n Treat Photos

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:18:47 GMT

Hi there,

Ok, I am posting photos of our Trunk n Treat event at our church. We are dedicated folk, let me tell ya. I drove one hour to my mom's. Drove to a friends and picked up a horse trailor. Loaded the pony. Drove an hour back to our church. We set up the "barn" and brought out the pony. Everyone had a ball. Loaded the pony back up, drove an hour back - can't put the pony in our backyard. Put the pony back (boy was she happy to be home) crashed in bed, and took the trailor back the next day. Our family had so much fun. We love this even at our church. It is wonderful family time. My kids run around with perma-grins on their faces. In the pictures you will see a fence that Andy and the boys built. Lucky for us, the winds blew down our fence in our yard right before the fires. It turned out to be great trunk n treat fence building wood.

Choosing Joy!

Jen

Finally a post!

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:11:42 GMT

Hi Friends,

Finally a post! I know, I know. It has been crazy around here. I just needed to take a break. Here is a video from UTube! It is a kids band called Go Fish! He is the Reason for the Season!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAckfn8yiAQ

Cute huh?

Jen

Interesting article

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 05:00:32 GMT

Hi Friends,

Another post? I know, I know. I have been doing more research, since I have so much time on my hands. Here are sections from a very interesting article I read. It comes from www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com. Written by Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D. In his article about ODD Dr. Art addresses the difference between ODD and RAD.

Children with attachment disorders exhibit oppositional behaviors because of very strong needs to be in control. This strong need to be in control is based on a fundamental lack of trust. Usually, because of significant difficulties during the first year or two of life, these children do not develop a sense of basic trust. As a result, these children experience requests by their parents as demands which must be fought. The result of the child’s fundamental lack of trust, is oppositional behavior and an unwilling to follow directives.

Normal attachment develops during the child's first two years of life. Problems with the mother-child relationship during that time, or breaks in the consistent caregiver-child relationship, prevent attachment from developing normally. Emotional vulnerability can be affected by a variety of factors including: genetic factors, pre-natal development including maternal drinking and drug abuse, pre-natal nutrition, and stress, fetal alcohol syndrome and fetal alcohol effect, temperament, birth parent history of mental illness (schizophrenia, manic depressive illness, etc.)

So, how can we tell the difference between a child who "looks" attached, and a child who really is making a healthy, secure attachment? This question becomes important for adoptive families, because some adopted children will form an almost immediate dependency bond to their adoptive parents. To mistake this as secure and healthy attachment can lead to many problems down the road. Just because a child calls someone ''mom'' or "dad," snuggles, cuddles, and says ''I love you," does not mean that the child is attached, or attaching. Saying, "I love you", and knowing what that really feels like, can be two different things. Attachment is a process. It takes time. The key to its formation is trust, and trust becomes secure only after repeated testing. Normal attachment takes a couple of years of cycling through mutually positive interactions. The child learns that the child is loved, loveable, and can love in return. The parent's give love, and learn that the child loves them. The child learns to trust that his needs will be met in a consistent and nurturing manner, and that the child "belongs" to his family, and they to him. Positive interaction, trust, claiming, and reciprocity (the mutual meeting of needs, give and take), these must be consistently present for an extended period of time, for healthy, secure attachment to take place. It is through these elements, that a child learns how to love and how to accept love.

So, how does one address oppositional behaviors exhibited by attachment disordered children? The most important concept is “Units of Concern.” This concept involves creating situations in which all of the difficulty or concern about a problem rests on the child's shoulders rather than on the parent's shoulders. Rather than allowing the child to create a conflict between the child and the parent, you structure the situation and consequences so that the conflict and consequences affect only the child. For example, when a parent gets into an argument with a child about getting washed up and coming to dinner it is usually the parent who is most concerned about getting the child into the dining room. In this example the parent has all of the units of concern while the child has none. One method for turning this around is to let the child know that dinner will be served in ten minutes and that the child can feel free to join the family as soon as the child gets washed up. There are no reminders or any further discussion. The child can take as long as the child wants to get ready and come to dinner. However, if by the time the child gets to dinner, supper is over, the parent’s response to the child’s question, “what's for dinner?” can be a simple, "breakfast." In this example, the natural consequence of the child’s disobeying the parent is a missed meal. It is the child’s dawdling that created the outcome. The parent is not nagging, yelling, reminding, or punishing the child. In other words, the parent is taught to find creative ways to allow natural consequences to help shape the child's behavior and learn to trust the parent.

Common methods of discipline such as reward, punishment, and star charts do not work with attachment disordered children. A completely different parenting approach and different methods must be used with these children. A combination of creating a highly structured and controlled environment, the velvet lined steel box, along with a high degree of love and nurturance is required to help of these children learn to trust. Once trust has been established, much of the oppositional behavior disappears.

Photo Album: Tanner's bowling party

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:31:39 GMT

Tanner's bowling party

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Photo Album: Chase's 1st piano recital

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:28:40 GMT

Chase's 1st piano recital

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Photo Album: Swim Meet

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:25:24 GMT

Swim Meet

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More Photos...

Photo Album: Payton's Geocaching party

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:09:59 GMT

Payton's Geocaching party

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More Photos...

Photo Album: Lake Tahoe

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:12:40 GMT

Lake Tahoe

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Tanner

Chase

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Tanner Taking a jump

Chase taking a jump

tanners 1st Black diamond

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More Photos...

Photo Album: Hailey's lost teeth

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 19:05:54 GMT

Hailey's lost teeth

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Photo Album: Hailey Rides a Bike!

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:05:36 GMT

Hailey Rides a Bike!

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Photo Album: Science Fair

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:23:14 GMT

Science Fair

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Professor Dropsalot

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